The very first post I did for the Paua Series was called Phenomenal Woman and although this is not the last post for the series, the poem is very relevant to this blog post. You see, no matter if you are single or in a relationship, every woman is phenomenal and should be treated phenomenally.
In recent blog posts, I talk about being in a relationship where I realised that I deserve much better. I did not write them to call the person out and make him seem like a bad person as only you can make your own judgement about the person. I wrote those blog posts because I wanted readers, especially the younger girls to be aware that you should never be treated badly by someone and that they need to have the courage to leave something that no longer serves them right. I wanted to make people aware that no one has the right to validate your worth, only you yourself can do so. I wanted to remind myself and all the other girls out there, who are in the same situation, that taking care of yourself and loving yourself should always be your number one priority.
And if you are like me, who has recently broken up with someone, just know that you will be okay and that you will continue living life but this time, it is better, because now you have more of an idea on the type of relationship you want next.
However, right now I am exhausted from dating and hopefully I won’t break the “No boys” rule for a while. It’s funny because the other day my friend said this statement to me: “You say ‘no boys’, but you turn around the corner and there is some guy waiting for you.”
So this leads me to the number one question that I get asked the most: “Yantie, how do you pull so many guys?”
Easy. Think of yourself as phenomenal. Just know that any guy should be lucky to have you. But don’t let it go to your head. However, in my Standards post I talk essentially about being the person that you would want to date. So, check yourself first and make sure you have worked on yourself and loved yourself first before dating someone else. That way you are ready for a mature relationship.
Nonetheless, here are some tips on how I (think I might) ‘pull’ guys. Cliché but so true, just be yourself. Let your uniqueness and sincerity shine through you. People can tell when you are being fake and like I have said previously, it’s so hard to keep up with being someone you are not and the other person deserves to know who you really are as a person. Stay real. Smile, but like genuinely smile to everyone and not just to your crush and greet people and just be friendly. Walk and talk with confidence. Keep your head up high, your back straight and walk graciously. When I say talk with confidence, I don’t mean be cocky or up yourself but don’t mumble or be shy, speak clearly and nicely. Have self-respect for yourself and have morals that you live to. Speak to people genuinely and be interested in talking with them. Try to talk about something relevant that both of you guys could relate to. Be interesting to talk to. Be intelligent. Also, I think that it is always good to be witty or show your sense of humour. And to be honest, most times I am aloof to everything but in a cool and detached way.
Attractiveness is another big factor in ‘pulling’ guys but just remember another cliché that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’ And again, it is so true. Everywhere around the world they have different standards of beauty and everyone has their own preferences. However, I think that every girl should take care of their body by eating healthy food and exercising. With good sleep and a beautiful smile, you will surely be glowing. Feel good about yourself and people will feel good about you as well. It is always good to have good hygiene and a spritz of perfume wouldn’t hurt either. Wear makeup if you want but please don’t look too cakey; have fun and play with it and try to figure out ways on how you can bring out your best features. Before I started using hijab, I would still dress modestly and tried to dress nicely for myself where I only wore what I felt was comfortable. With that being said, I try to look structured with style but also relaxed. So, in all honesty, you don’t need to dress sexy or hot to get attention, a guy will see and most likely stare at a beautiful girl when he sees one.
So how do you know if a guy likes you? Well for starters he will keep looking at you or just stares at you (hopefully in a non-creepy way). He tries to talk to you and always have excuses to see you. Or he tries to help you all the time. Most importantly, if a guy does like you, he will make all the effort to be with you. Period. However, don’t be fooled too easily, make sure that he has been making an effort for a long enough period of time to convince you that he is being sincere. If a guy really wants something, he will try to go for it until he has succeeded. So give them a chance but use your time wisely, ask the opinions of those closest to you, remember your standards and keep asking yourself if this is what you really want. If he isn’t what you want, then don’t waste anymore of your time or his time and let him down gently. Never play around with people’s feelings.
For those girls freaking out and wanting to be in a relationship, just stay cool, calm and collected. Looking desperate is not pretty and with time and fate, the right one will come your way. I believe so and you should too. This doesn’t mean you just stand and wait, you need to go searching but don’t get too invested to the point where you are left disappointed. Again, the right one will come at the right time. So don’t give up hope, you will love or you will love again. And I promise that it will be amazing when you do.
Just always remind yourself that you are a phenomenal woman and you deserve nothing but the best and to be treated phenomenally.