“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs are determined by Allah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.”―Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab
Before I begin I want to say, I love you. This life has been filled with tests and so many heartbreaks but I love you because you keep on smiling even though nothing else in your life is going right. Also, I am proud of you. I am very proud that you started to wear the hijab and that you are trying to get closer to God, as well as trying your best to achieve your dream, when all you wanted to do was give up.
Believe me when I say this but you are an amazing person. Look at you, you’re beautiful; inside and out. You are kind and you care; you want what’s best for everybody else. But sometimes that is your weakness, you think about others before you think about yourself. So from now on, make sure you are happy yourself first. Also you are funny, down to earth, intelligent, very genuine and pure at heart. Don’t let your past define who you are now. You are so much more than your past. However, without your past, you would have not of been able to learn from experiences and you would of not turned to Allah as sincerely. So don’t be so hard on yourself.
So far you have fallen in love twice and each time it hurt. It hurts because you love them deeply before you even loved yourself. Please love yourself. Nonetheless, both times they didn’t work out; but there are divine reasons as to why they didn’t work out and it’s because God has someone better for you. I believe so. So please don’t be upset anymore and let go. Maybe you will marry your dream guy or maybe it’s just someone who you get along with really well. Either way insyaAllah he will help you get to Jannah. Only God knows.
I know that sometimes that you really want something to happen but your wanting is no where near as powerful as God’s will. So put all of your hopes in him and whatever happens, you will be content. Again, don’t worry, insyaAllah you will love again. But remember, love yourself first and love the other person for the sake of Allah and more. Don’t just love because you are in love with the idea of love.
Most importantly, you are still very young. Chill, you are only eighteen. Have sabr. Everything has been predestined so everything will happen beautifully at the right time because they are Allah’s plans. Allah knows what is best for you and he only wants the best because he loves you. For now, all you can do is make dua and have full tawakkul.
P.S: Focus on your studies.